chasing ethan

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
-"Charlie Brown"

memories of my childhood are vague but i will always remember ethan. blond hair, blue eyes, birthmark of a mole over his lip. he was gorgeous. i had a crush on him for four years. all through elementary i did everything to get this boy to notice me. i found out that his favorite band was new kids on the block so when the fair came into town i won him a new kids on the block hat. my horrible attempt at buying someone's affection went unnoticed. i failed to mention that he was a major athlete. so my interest in kickball games and teather ball rose instantly. i started to like what he liked even if i didn't. i was good at this. pretending. pretending for love.

then he likes one of my best friends. she asks me if it was okay that they hook up. they were perfect for eachother. both loved sports. im sure there was more but as far as 5th grade goes thats all i knew. so this became the norm. girl falls for the boy. boy doesn't notice girl. boy notices girl's bestfriend. boy and girl's best friend date. girl is left to listen to them talk about eachother. girl would like to be gagged with a spoon.

unrequited love forces you to do things that you didn't think you would ever do. laughing at jokes when you know they aren't funny. being that garbage can for them when they need to dump their emotional trash. allowing them to touch you in places with hands void of love but full of want. you forget your friends when that person decides that they want to include you in their day.

hmm, i guess i have unrequited love for myself. havent taken the time to love me back. why? ive spent too much time trying to make someone else love me when the easy part is to just love myself. i couldve saved so much time, money and hospital bills if i recognized this early on. but hey, i did learn a lot about boy bands, basketball, football, business, jesus, tennis, naruto, the simpsons, halo, graffiti and hip hop(not neccessarily in that order).