I Secretly Hate CeCe Winans
"Okay, I must issue a disclaimer here: I do not secretly hate CeCe Winans or anyone with the same name."
yesterday, while i sat in my quietness due to a sore throat, i found myself thinking on past moments that have affected my life and the perception i have about myself. well, it hit me while i was in the bathroom but hey, thats the best place to contemplate about life. anywho, i remembered while my ex and i were dating how obsessed he had become with cece winans.
he loved her. he thought she was so beautiful, she could sing, she loved the lord, and at the time she had long hair. yes, i was jealous but it was the comments of how he wanted to marry her that made me not like her anymore. that may not be the "christian way" but it hurt my feelings. to know that the man i was madly in love was thinking about some other chick. that made me doubt myself.
trying to hold onto someone when you know deep down inside that they want someone that isnt you is a foolish thing. with those life moments i experienced im now doing a major overhaul of self hate. if i could visit my younger self i would tell her to hold on to herself. i would tell her that life doesnt have to be so hard because she loved hard. i would tell her to take it slow. dont say i love you unless you mean it. dont try to buy their affection, it doesnt work and you just end up broke anyways. then i would tell her to look in the mirror everyday of her life and tell herself that she is beautiful and worthy to be loved. but seeing that i have no time machine i can only prepare my future self in the now. so, i love you veronica. i love you too. :-)
yesterday, while i sat in my quietness due to a sore throat, i found myself thinking on past moments that have affected my life and the perception i have about myself. well, it hit me while i was in the bathroom but hey, thats the best place to contemplate about life. anywho, i remembered while my ex and i were dating how obsessed he had become with cece winans.
he loved her. he thought she was so beautiful, she could sing, she loved the lord, and at the time she had long hair. yes, i was jealous but it was the comments of how he wanted to marry her that made me not like her anymore. that may not be the "christian way" but it hurt my feelings. to know that the man i was madly in love was thinking about some other chick. that made me doubt myself.
trying to hold onto someone when you know deep down inside that they want someone that isnt you is a foolish thing. with those life moments i experienced im now doing a major overhaul of self hate. if i could visit my younger self i would tell her to hold on to herself. i would tell her that life doesnt have to be so hard because she loved hard. i would tell her to take it slow. dont say i love you unless you mean it. dont try to buy their affection, it doesnt work and you just end up broke anyways. then i would tell her to look in the mirror everyday of her life and tell herself that she is beautiful and worthy to be loved. but seeing that i have no time machine i can only prepare my future self in the now. so, i love you veronica. i love you too. :-)
posted by mamaafreeka at 10:47 AM
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